to the new blog I mentioned in the previous post. Apologies on being late with that.

http://faithdoubtandreason.blogspot.com/

Wow, it's been awhile hasn't it?

After a long hiatus I'm returning to blogging. I doubt anyone even checks this LiveJournal anymore so I'm posting it on Facebook as well.

When I stopped updating this LiveJournal I promised that I'd make a post when I decided to do anything new. Well, I've recently decided to start a new blog on the topic of science, religion and philosophy. I plan to process through many of the issues that come with being deeply religious in the modern, scientifically-advanced world that we live in.

The blog is going to have a bit of an intellectual focus, but I hope to make it a good read for anyone interested in those topics. My goal is to update once a week (on Monday) starting next week. I've already got a good backlog of posts that are ready to go.

So yeah, expect a link next Monday to my newly created blog. I hope you enjoy it. :)

I know, I haven't updated in forever. What gives?

The short answer is that I've been busy and life has been crazy. The longer answer is that I'm working full time and going to school part time. I'm just not used to managing this kind of workload. Not only that, but I just haven't felt motivated to update. Honestly I've been struggling for a long time trying to figure out what I want this journal to be. I don't know. I haven't been able to answer that question and that, as much as anything, is why I'm hanging up my hat.

Truth be told I hung up my hat awhile ago. I just stopped updating and stopped worrying about the fact that I wasn't updating. When my life is more organized and I have more time (it's a slow day at work so I have time to post this) I might do something new. I don't know if I'll start a new site or what, but I think that when I do come back to writing publicly I'll want to have a clear purpose in mind. When you're single and unemployed and trying to figure life out, having a place to just get your thoughts out there is nice, but when I'm so busy and life is so crazy, it's just another thing on the internet to waste my time on.

So for now this site is officially dormant. If/when I decide to do something new I'll make a post about it here, but don't hold your breath. If I decide to set up my own site, I'll probably take some of my favorite entries from this journal along with me, but I don't think I'm gonna start another public diary. Whatever I decide to do, I'll be sure to let you know.

Goodbye.

I haven't posted in awhile, but a lot has been happening in my life recently. The main thing that's happened is that 20 days ago my girlfriend Crystal left for a trip to London, Iceland, Scotland and possibly Wales. It's an exciting trip and part of me is definitely happy for her, but mostly I just miss her. I've still got about five more days of waiting until she gets back. Yesterday I was missing her so much the grief was causing me pain. I'm feeling better now, but I really hope she gets back soon.

The time while she's been gone has actually been surprisingly fruitful. For one thing I actually have a job now. I'm actually typing this update from work in my downtime. It's a temporary assignment and today is my last day, but I'm confident that this will lead to more jobs in the near future. Having a job is nice and it's definitely nice to have a routine for a change, even if it isn't always fun. The other major thing that's happened is I've started classes at VLI. VLI is the leadership program run through my church and I'm training to become a pastor. Between starting classes and getting a job I'm starting to feel about a million times better about my future career prospects.

In addition to all the cool career stuff that's been happening, time away from Crystal has also been a good time for me to grow in other areas. Specifically in my struggles with lust God has helped me to be patient and trusting in a way that I don't think I've ever really been before. I no longer need to constantly distract myself, but instead I live, moment to moment, in the pain that loneliness brings. Strangely, the breakthrough came when I was out on a walk and I spotted a beautiful woman. Immediately I felt a deep longing for connection and intimacy. Normally when I'm feeling lonely, seeing a beautiful woman gives me an opportunity to fantasize and not to engage in my present emotional state, but this was strangely different. In seeing her, my heart's desire was immediately exposed, and instead of letting my eyes linger and allowing my mind to fantasize I reflected on what I was feeling. It isn't as pleasant, but it's a lot healthier and ultimately a lot better.

I've also been getting an interesting theological lesson out of all of this, but this update is already long enough so I think I'll save that for later.

I had an interesting time on Tuesday and I feel that I should share with you about it. I was spending time with my friend and mentor Payshun. While we were hanging out God decided to show me something. We went down by a stream near Pay's house to meditate. I saw the stream at two places and at one location it was obviously polluted and overgrown with algae. At another location the stream was littered with about a half a dozen empty bottles and cans along with other miscellaneous garbage. It was a painful thing to see.

Why would god decide to show me something like that? I didn't understand it at the time, but now I think I'm beginning to understand why. The stream is a mess because people are too self-centered to think of anything beyond their own short-term best interest. The canyon we were walking through was a wonderful place of natural beauty and people shit all over it because they're too lazy to find a fucking trash can and too cheap to patch a leaky sewer line.

Well, it isn't just the stream near Pay's house that's messed up. Driving back from Pay's house I saw two homeless guys begging on the corner of Genesee and Balboa. On Saturday when I visited Chicano Park with my girlfriend we saw murals expressing the pain of a community that has suffered from decades of abuse and neglect in this country. This community lives right across the bridge from one of the most affluent communities in San Diego. And if you spend some time looking at the news you'll see that it isn't just San Diego that's messed up either.

In such a hostile climate it becomes a real challenge to love. How do we love a place that's so messed up? How do we love the people so only seem intent on making things worse when we all have so much to gain by making things better? How does one become the person who dedicates his life to making things better. This is the challenge we face. To be a community that decides to heal and not to harm; to be a community that gives life and doesn't take it away. We are challenged to love. It isn't easy, but it's the right thing to do.

What better way to break the silence on this blog than to post a silly internet meme.

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I'm visiting home for the week. In between watching my sister graduate and reading the Pauline Epistles I've found some time to meditate on God's grace. Recently it has been a real struggle to hold on to grace and God's forgiveness. Sometimes I just feel the need to beat myself up for all the things I've done wrong or all the things I could have done better.

The other temptation, and the worst of the two is to pretend that everything is a-ok. It's worse because in a lot of ways it feels like God's forgiveness. It feels like freedom, so long as I don't ever look into a mirror or admit the truth to myself.

To truly receive forgiveness doesn't involve looking away. It means really looking into the mirror and getting a nice long look into the ugliness of self (okay, maybe not too long) and letting it be forgiven. I really need to do that more often.

The simple fact is, being an unemployed man at my age makes it hard to really look myself in the mirror. I feel like a failure in so many ways and it makes it hard to let forgiveness and the grace of God reign in my life. I wish I didn't have all this crap to deal with, but I do.

I do and it's important. God's grace is the water of life. The taproot to the tree of life feeds on God's forgiveness. Without those things there will be no life in me. So let God's grace and forgiveness flow through me and give me the patience to let it work in me. I need a change.

Today as I was helping with the children's ministry I had a fun experience. It turns out that only one kid showed up and we had three teachers so it was very chill. I spent a lot of time just chilling with Vance, a very awesome four year old. He was full of energy and imagination; he loved to run around and play make believe.

In a Sunday school situation watching him play make believe like that raised an interesting question for me. Does he understand when we talk to him about stories out of the bible that we're talking about things that actually happened, or is it just another kind of make believe to him? I obviously don't know the answer to that question and at that age I don't think it's terribly important. Four year olds usually just trust their parents and believe what they're told, anyway. When he's older he'll be able to make up his own mind about these kinds of things.

This interesting notion got me thinking about some of the older members of our church. I began to wonder about the older members of churches throughout America and throughout the West. You see, I suspect that for a lot of adults in the Western world religion tends to be a socially acceptable way for adults to play make-believe. I don't know if I'm being too cynical with this evaluation, but I feel there's probably some truth to what I say.

So assuming I'm correct how do we reverse the trend? I feel that those of us lucky enough to be blessed with an abundance of faith should take responsibility to share with the community and encourage faith in others. We already do some of that by sharing testimonies, but I I think we ought to go a step further. I feel that active mentorship and involvement in other people's lives could really make a difference.

We've been doing a series on mentorship at my church and this whole time I've been feeling like I don't have much to offer a potential mentoree. I'm in a relationship where I'm being mentored, but I don't know how I'd do if the roles were reversed. Now I'm beginning to see that I could have a lot to offer anyone in need of encouragement, particularly in areas of doubt.

Of course, finding someone to go out and mentor is tricky and I'm not sure if I should go out and mentor somebody right away, but I think it could be good. I'll just see where God leads me.

Hey, it's been awhile since I posted anything public in my live journal. For once that's actually not a sign that I'm getting depressed. I've been feeling really good lately and I'm starting to get a little busy.

For now I'm just going to talk about the awesome day Crystal and I had together. It started this morning when we got up early and volunteered to help with a beach clean-up at Pacific Beach. Afterward we had a late breakfast at IHOP, which was great. Then we headed up to the San Diego county fair (up in Del Mar) and met up with Crystal's old high school friend Tira. it was fun walking around and checking out the cute animals, the gross food and the free entertainment. After that Crystal and I relaxed for a bit, then we did some last minute prep work for kidz jump (the children's ministry at our church). We relaxed by watching a few episodes of How I Met your Mother (which is an awesome show, and I'm not just saying that because of the title).

Now I'm ready to crash out and get some rest before church tomorrow. Goodnight everyone.

Over the last few days I have gone through a bit of an emotional shit-storm, which is strangely appropriate since I just finished writing about how to deal with crappy emotions. I won't lie to you, it sucked, but I did come away from it with a good insight.

You can't fix people; all you can do is love them. An important point to consider (at least for me) is that this statement is reflexive. This means that you can't fix yourself; you can only love yourself. It's a curious insight and I'm still digesting it.

In any case, it's a nice insight to have, partly because there are definitely some people out there that I would like to fix, but also because recently I have been trying really hard to fix myself. That wasn't working out to well for me and now I think I know why.

During prayer today God gave me a lesson in dealing with negative emotions. By "negative emotions" I simply mean any emotions that a normal person would rather not experience if they had the choice such as pain, grief, fear, stress, boredom, shame and so on. These emotions tend to have a powerful impact on us. I personally have a very hard time confronting and dealing with these sorts of emotions.

I know that, as a Christian, I have authority over thee types of feelings thanks to my relationship with God. I have a hard time understanding what that means however. I tend to like to think that it means that I don't have to deal with these emotions if I don't want to. I can just tell them to leave and they will leave. This is not the case.

In this case to have authority over, for example, fear doesn't mean that I never feel fear. Quite the contrary it means that I do feel fear, but I face my fear and I overcome my fear. It's the same for most negative emotions. I often chose to believe that I don't have to face them because like most people I don't want to face them. I don't want to deal with my feelings of fear, shame, grief or whatever else because dealing with those emotions suck.

I also chose not to deal with them because deep down I am afraid that I can't deal with them. I am afraid that if I deal with my crap that it will overwhelm me and I'll become this massive emotional wreck. Because I have this doubt and this fear I decide not to deal with my emotions and I try to wish them all away. Well, the truth is that the best way to become a massive emotional wreck is to not deal with your emotions. Just let them all pile up in the dark corners in the back of your mind and do your best not to think about them, ever. Try keeping that up for more than a month and I guarantee it will take a toll on you. Do it for too long and sooner or later all that crap will bust out of the closet and hit you all at once. That's how the emotional wreck thing happens. I should know; I've done it more than a few times.

So what's the secret? Take things one at a time. When you're confronted by problems, don't try to solve everything at once. Only take as much as you can deal with and deal with it. When you're done, move on to the next thing. Don't procrastinate or put it off, just take it apart and solve it one step at a time. The authority from God means that you can handle it, no matter how bad it might seem. You tackle your problems face to face, you keep things in perspective, you deal with what you can deal with and you let God handle the rest. This is how you handle all of life's problems both big and small.

For anyone who's reading what I wrote and thinking, "Thank you Captain Obvious," let me just say that I know. I know it's painfully obvious, but somehow I keep managing to forget it. So I'm writing it all down and making it as plain and simple as possible so that hopefully next time this comes up and I'm feeling overwhelmed by life I'll remember this and I'll be able to deal with it without freaking out or going into denial.

I haven't really taken the time to talk about this in my journal yet, but I recently took over leadership of the bible study I've been attending for the past few years. It's been an interesting transition for me so far and I'm definitely still growing into the role. The nice thing about our study is that everyone's so knowledgeable and outgoing that it really doesn't take much effort to lead the study, just the occasional nudge to keep things on track. I have some plans for what I want to do with the study and God is giving me direction for what it means to be a shepherd to this group.

This transition comes at an interesting time in my life. In my family we have a saying, "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever." Well, recently I came to the realization that I don't want to be immature forever. I've been pursuing a greater measure of responsibility and adulthood in how I conduct myself. I've renewed the job search, I've started working out pretty frequently and I've volunteered to help with children's ministry over the summer. Overall it's a nice change.

Of course any significant life change has its perils. In my case I've been struggling with the fear of losing my identity amidst all these changes. I've also been worrying that in choosing to grow up in this manner I am giving up my freedom. In some sense that's true, I suppose. Any decision to accept responsibility does impinge on one's free time. In my case though I've been suffering from having too much free time. Besides the increase in responsibility also comes with an increase in authority. I may not have as much flexibility in how I spend my time, but now at least I feel like how I spend my time is actually valuable. It's a nice trade.

In prayer God has reminded me that there's a freedom and a sense of self that comes from following his will. The freedom comes from knowing we're forgiven, from knowing that we're allowed to screw up. The freedom lies in the simple fact that we can totally rebel against God's plan and he would still love us, but we obey him anyway, not because we have to, but because it is our choice. It is an odd sort of freedom, but it is also a wonderful sort of freedom.

So lately I've been having this argument with God. This argument has been going, off and on, for the past few weeks at least. Basically, since I wrote my last live journal entry we've been arguing. Actually since slightly before then. You see the thing is, He didn't want me to write it. I went ahead and wrote it anyway and now God wants me to apologize for it. Publicly.

I don't want to do that. I don't even want to apologize privately. I don't want to apologize at all. I feel entirely justified in what I wrote and if I had a chance to do it all over again, I would. At least, that's what I've been telling God these past two weeks.

Having said that, I am now going to start apologizing. Before I do that, however, I need to let everyone know exactly what I'm apologizing for. I'm not apologizing for defending the homosexual community. I'm not apologizing for calling out the ignorance and hypocrisy I see in a lot of right leaning Christians. That's not why God is upset with me and that's not what I did wrong.

I'm apologizing for trying to make people feel guilty and making an empty call to repentance. That's what I did wrong and I'm sorry.

Now, if you'll indulge me, I want to talk about why I did it and the argument I had with God about it. I wrote what I wrote precisely because I didn't want to forgive them. I didn't want conservative fundamentalist/evangelical Christians to truly repent. I was angry and I wanted them to feel bad for what they had said and done. I wanted them to suffer for the suffering that they had inflicted on others; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Which is very silly when you think about it because how many conservative evangelical/fundamentalist types actually read this blog anyway? Probably not very many.

In any case, later on I was praying with God and meditating on the cross. In the process I got into another argument that, although I didn't realize it at the time, was actually a part of the same argument about my last post.

I was meditating on the cross and I was overwhelmed with compassion for Jesus in that moment and I was struck by the horrible injustice of it all. To give some context for this I'd been talking with some orthodox Jews over the internet about how Jesus couldn't possibly be the Messiah because he didn't do all the things the Messiah was supposed to do while he was on Earth. So I'm thinking about all of that and my heart cries out, "No Jesus you can't do this!"

I'm praying and I realize that I don't want Jesus to go to the cross and die for my sins. I don't want him to suffer. It just isn't fair that Jesus should have to suffer and die horribly because of something I did. So I told Jesus that I don't mind dying for my own sins if it means that he can go and be King of the Jews and bring about worldwide peace and do everything the Messiah is supposed to do.

I think it goes without saying that Jesus decided not to honor my request.

It was a rough argument but it taught me some valuable lessons. Things that I already knew on some level, but didn't fully understand. The first is the meaning of the verse, "I desire mercy, not sacrifice," (Hosea 6:6). From this argument I learned that even before we realize we've done something wrong God already forgives us. When we do realize that we have done something wrong, all we need to do is stop doing evil and start doing good. We don't need to regret or feel bad about what we have done, we just need to stop doing it. God's forgiveness means that we never have to carry guilt nor regret for the things we have done. We simply turn away and turn towards God and he takes care of the rest.

For those who missed my apology, I'm sorry I tried to make you feel bad. I won't do it again.

My good friend and mentor Payshun recently posted a Xanga update on why he supports gay marriage. I haven't tackled the subject in awhile, but after reading Pay's post and the accompanying comments I felt compelled to respond.

First of all, I want to say what provoked me to respond, because it wasn't the update itself. You see, Pay is blessed (or perhaps cursed) with a broader, more diverse, audience for his Xanga than I have for my live journal. Specifically, some of the more conservative members of the Vineyard Movement read his blog. One person posted a reply critical of Payshun's original argument. That reply included the following statement (emphasis mine), "If you wonder why Christians are vocal about this issue, it's because the militant homosexual movement is trying to cram their lifestyle down the throats of all Americans."

That really pissed me off. The first time I read it I couldn't even make it past the italicized portion. After I read it, I got up, went for a nice long walk, took some deep breaths, calmed myself down and tried to think rationally. When I collected my thoughts I sat down and started to write this update. So why did the phrase "militant homosexual movement" provoke such a strong reaction in me?

It bothers me because it is a lie. The use of the word "militant" implies that these homosexuals are advancing their cause by using violence or by threatening the use of violence. The plain and simple truth is that, if anything, the opposite is true. These links show that not only is there a long history of violence and systematic oppression of homosexuals, but also that violence against homosexuals is still very widespread.

Taken as a whole, the statement is typical of someone whose understanding of how the world works is spoon fed to him by right leaning media. The notion that a tiny minority (3% by his own admission) could somehow violently oppress the majority is obviously absurd. Of course he didn't say that, he merely implied it. I don't even know if he was aware of the implications; he's probably just used to talking this way. He's heard so many people utter the phrase "militant homosexual movement" that it seems like a completely normal for him to say, despite the fact that the very idea is absurd on its face.

I will admit I feel slightly bad for being so hard on this one individual. I will also admit that I am making an example of him. I'm making an example of him because he seems to be unaware of how exposure to media has affected his view of the world. He also seems to be unaware of the tremendous amount of privilege he enjoys as a white male American Christian who is sexually attracted to women rather than men. I may be off the mark with these assumptions, and if so I apologize. In any case it is certainly common that those in positions of privilege often take their privileges for granted and mistake attempts made by others to take those privileges away in the interest of fairness as oppression.

I am also a white male heterosexual American Christian. I can go to school or work in most environments and reasonably expect not to encounter racism from my co workers. I can spend time with my significant other and even kiss her publicly without fear of violent retribution. I can practice my religion and worship my God and not only is it legal, but it's also tax exempt. Most people respect my religious views even if they don't agree with them. The only time I ever am made fun of for my, quite frankly, ridiculous religious beliefs is on an internet forum populated mostly by atheists. To put it another way, if I want to be mocked for following Jesus in the flamboyantly ridiculous way that I do, I have to actually seek out ridicule.

Then there's the fact that I'm an American. We Americans have it so good compared to the rest of the world. Running water w/ indoor plumbing, state of the art hospitals, plenty of food at all times of the year, a stable government and a peaceful and free society are just some of the many benefits most Americans just take for granted. The vast majority of the world's population lacks at least one of the items on that list, if not all of them.

Meanwhile many major media outlets, especially right leaning media, make money hand over fist telling white heterosexual American Christian men that their rights are being trampled on when gay men are allowed to marry or the government tries to take down a giant cross on the top of a hill visible by half of San Diego county. This is so unbelievably fucked up. We've never had it so good. No one in the history of the world has ever had it so good. We white male heterosexual American Christians are the luckiest people on the planet and all we ever do is complain. This is insane. We should be thanking God every single day that the world loves us so much. And if we don't feel like thanking God we can always thank Satan because God knows he's done his part to keep the white man on top.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to fall to my knees now and repent of my ingratitude. Please feel free to join me.

Light and darkness exist perpetually in opposition to one another. They cannot help but fight; it is their nature. But what happens when light and darkness fight? Think about it. Turn on a light in a dark room. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred the light wins. The hundredth time the light burns out, but here's the point. The point is that darkness losses automatically anytime the light decides to show up. So when Jesus tells his follower, "You are the light of the world," what does he mean by light? What is light? Light is darkness getting the shit beat out of it.

That's what Jesus meant.

On Saturday I had the opportunity to go to an all day prayer seminar led by Bill Jackson. Bill Jackson is a member of the Vineyard fellowship and he wrote an interesting book about the history of the Vineyard, which I wrote about awhile back. The seminar was pretty good overall. I felt like I learned quite a bit, although I already knew a lot. It was also good to spend time praying for/with people. I prayed for Erik some and I prayed for this guy I met at the seminar named Matt. It was a good time and it brought me closer to God.

One thing I particularly liked about his sermon was his discussion on the importance of waiting for God. He talked about how our patience shows respect for God and acknowledges the fact that God operates on his timing and not on ours. In essence, our patience glorifies God. Personally, I would add to that by saying that worship can also help with this process. It certainly makes God a lot more willing to listen to and answer our prayers. I know if I were God I'd much rather deal with people who were happy to see me, grateful for the things I had done for them. So long as you're being honest about it, worshiping God is generally a good idea.

In other news, lately I feel like I've been struggling to find myself. Lately I've been feeling weighed down by life. I have struggled to find confidence. I've been avoiding confrontation. I feel almost emasculated, for lack of a better word. It's a difficult feeling to describe. In the midst of all this I feel like I should step out; take charge of my life; but I just don't know how. It's a crappy place to be.

Of course, life isn't all bad. I'm taking an intermediate Latin dance class with Crystal. That's a fun time and we're learning a lot. It's not a couple's class so I don't get to spend that much time dancing with Crystal. Still, I get a chance to learn new things by dancing with other people and I get to spend a lot of time practicing with Crystal afterward, so it's a lot of fun. I just can't wait till they teach us some dips. ;)

Last night I went out with Crystal and we had what can only be described as a perfect date. We both got dressed up went to downtown SD. We went to the J-Bar, which is an open air bar located on the roof of a hotel in the Gaslamp. We sat by a gas fireplace and ordered a few drinks. That was fun. I'd love to be able to tell you about the view overlooking downtown, but the fact is, I spent most of my time up there looking at Crystal :).

The trip to the J-Bar helped us to relax a bit and it killed some time. Our goal that evening was to find a club and go dancing. We walked over the the Martini Ranch, only to find out that the "shaker room" (where all the dancing normally takes place) was undergoing renovation. Instead we ended up going to the Bitter End. Which worked out for the best since we got to dance and we didn't even have to pay a cover charge.

Inside, the dancing was a lot of fun. It was very different from when we usually go salsa dancing. For one thing, there's a lot more freedom. For another thing, you're not crowded. Whenever we go salsa dancing, Crystal and I are considerate dancers who don't hog floorspace. Unfortunately, most other dancers aren't so considerate. In the club most people kept to themselves, which gave Crystal and I a lot of freedom to move around. It was a nice change of pace.

Then we went outside and relaxed a little bit while our hearing gradually came back. Then we headed home. On the way back Crystal grabbed a bite to eat (turns out she'd had a late lunch and skipped dinner). We hung out at Crystal's place till she was basically falling asleep. I had an amazing time and I was walking on air the whole way home.

I am in love.

This has been an interesting week. Last week I went up to Pasadena to visit Julianne, an old friend of Crystal's. We went up to Julianne and Ron's apartment on Friday evening and camped out in their living room. On Saturday Thomas and Marisa joined us. While we were up there Julianne and Ron announced their engagement. This was good news, though it was a little odd being the only non-engaged couple in the group. Then we went to a local Boomers and played miniature golf. It was a fun triple date. On our way back to Julianne and Ron's apartment I was introduced to a wonderful LA francise called Famima. It's an upscale, Japanese convenience store and there's one in downtown Pasadena. It's a nice place and probably the only place I would ever consider buying prepackaged sushi from.

Once we got back Thomas and Marisa started talking about their wedding plans. It's crazy to see how much time, energy and money goes into one of these things. It helped me realize how far I am from being prepared to marry Crystal. I'm totally prepared to commit the rest of my life to her (that's the easy part), but am I prepared to be in a wedding with her? Really, at this age I don't that I'll ever be prepared for my wedding. I'm too set in my ways. Just thinking about it makes me want to elope. I doubt Crystal would appreciate that though. Oh well, it's a long ways off still, no sense in getting all worked up about it now.

During the subsequent week a lot happened. Erik has been struggling with back problems. Crystal was struggling for a bit with stress from managing Sunday School. I've done my best to be supportive to both of them. I also sent in my resume to Wordsmart and am waiting to hear back from them. According to Wilson, I should be hearing from them in a few days. Sometime during the middle of the week I created a Facebook account. I did it mostly so I could chat with Crystal while she's at work, but partly so I could see what this Web 2.0 stuff is that the young kids (or more accurately, Time Magazine) are all so excited about. Between the Facebook account and the friends getting engaged I'm really starting to feel like an old man.

This weekend Crystal is out of town, visiting her family. I am missing her and I changed my Facebook status to reflect that fact. Thank God for that. I have no idea how I would indirectly communicate that information to Crystal in the barbaric non-Web 2.0 compatible era. Otherwise this weekend has been good. Erik's dad came into town and it seems like they actually had a productive conversation about feelings. This is good because Erik and his dad don't generally get along all that well for a lot of reasons.

I think I will change my Facebook status to, "Enjoying myself despite Crystal's absence." Also, I have come up with a clever your mom joke that is also a haiku:

Your mom is so fat
She takes up five syllables
Your mom

Last night God woke me up at four in the morning to tell me he loved me. It was a weird experience. I stayed up for a bit and wrote down everything he had to say. It was nice. I've been struggling a lot lately with self doubt. I tend to be very critical of myself and I tend to rely a lot on encouragement from others. Last night god told me to cut it out and made me write down ten things I actually like about myself. It was a good exercise and by the end of it I started to actually feel good about myself. It was nice.

Then I wrote some stuff for the Dungeons and Dragons campaign setting I'm working on, and then I went to sleep. Today I woke up and Wilson called me about a job offer at the company he and Zach work for. Things are looking up.

Guilt	What is yours?	Explain yourself
Culinary:	Miller Lite	I was at my cousin's wedding down in North Carolina and at the wedding reception they had two choices for beer. You could either have Miller Lite or Bud Light. Trapped between a rock and a hard place I discovered that between the two, I actually strongly prefer Miller.
Literary:	Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series	I was young and I didn't know any better. I read sci-fi, so I didn't mind that the female characters were shallow and horribly stereotypical, I hadn't read LotR yet, so I didn't understand how blatantly unoriginal it was, and I honestly believed that he would bring the series to a satisfying conclusion. Now I know the truth and the truth has set me free.
Audiovisual:	Enterprise	I am a Trekkie. 'Nuff said. Plus, I still think they had a much more promising first Season than Voyager did. Of course, that's not saying much. See the Miller Lite/Bud Light comparison above.
Musical:	Blink 182	There is no explanation. I deserve to be dragged out into the street and shot. (Alternate explanation: At least I don't listen to country.)
Celebrity:	Johnny Depp	I'm not especially guilty of being a Johnny Depp fan because he's an incredibly talented actor, but ever since the man decided to do a Keith Richard's impersonation instead of acting he's become a major sex symbol and he has legions of female fans. This makes being a Johnny Depp fan slightly embarrassing.

Now I tag:-

kelmit ucsdcanon babouc jabberjackie and bobdole183


to complete this same Quiz, Its HERE.

Tags: meme